I’m the Fifty-Clap Guy

Photo by Guillermo Latorre on Unsplash

I’m the fifty-clap guy. I am that guy on Medium, your biggest cheerleader.

I’m the Olympics diving-judge whose score is thrown out for being too high. I don’t care. I am here to give you your flowers. All of them. I’m here to make up for the one-clap clappers. (But seriously, who gives one clap? Have you ever gone to a concert, or watched a performance and clapped once? Just once? In the history of time, have you ever done that? But I digress.)

So yes, I take ownership as a purveyor of “the fifty-claps”. I sink my finger into that mouse clicker until that bad-boy tops off at fifty.

Although, in the spirit of full disclosure, I must admit that I do not always give fifty claps. There are many times I give less than fifty. (Oh the horror!) Less than twenty sometimes. (You can’t be serious! — exclaimed with full John McEnroenian exasperation.) I have even given less than ten claps. So you already have my admission. Therefore, there’s no need to dig into my past, and take to my comments section with a combination of triumphant and whiny keystrokes, “But you didn’t give me fifty claps.”

So here’s my story. I’m kind of moody, and sometimes my claps are disbursed based on my mood. My zodiac sign is Cancer, and that’s how we roll, on the beautiful ebbs, flows, twists, and turns of magnificent colorful moods. And when I’m rolling on the…